Generally, I have always loved the whole concept of New Year. Every year around Christmas I get anxious, like I couldn't wait to get rid of the old year and start a new one. For me it has always been all about rebirth, a chance to start all over again, a tabula rasa to be filled with new experiences and adventures.
However, this year I feel sad when I realize that this really is the last day of 2011. Tomorrow 2011 will be history, it will be the "last year" and we'll have the whole new 2012 in front of us. Like I said, usually I would find this idea very comforting (even liberating), but 2011 in my life has been so different than any year before, that I'm finding it hard to let it go. If I could decide if I'd like to get a new year, or start 2011 all over again tomorrow, I wouldn't hesitate - I'd live 2011 again, each and every day and hour of it.
2011 was perfect.
I feel I could write a three volume novel about 2011, and still right now I have difficulties finding the right words to describe my year. After studying 16 years (elementary school, high school, boarding school and then university) I finally had a chance to take a year off and do whatever I wanted. Time to get to know myself and find out what I really want to do with my life. Time to travel, read, photograph... time to think. This year has really changed me, and I think right now I'm happier than I've ever been.
Because pictures speak more than words, let me show you some of my favorite memories from 2011...
I fell in love with Barcelona, and started studying Spanish.
I met Jeniffer in São Paulo, Brazil.
I took a new tattoo as a souvenier in Brazil.
I saw my favorite band 30 Seconds to Mars in Barcelona, São Paulo, Tallinn, Riga and Vilnius.
I worked at the cemetery for 4 months during the summer, and I still love the job & the team so much! This is a photo of Abby (my boss) and me at our gravedigger's (in the middle) farewell party when he retired.
I spent almost 5 months of the year in South Karelia. I finally had a chance to spend a lot of time with my nephew Shan. He's the coolest kid I know.
While in South Karelia, I also spent a lot of time with my sister Miia. I think we haven't been this close since the early childhood, and I love it. I love her so much (eventhough sometimes she's such a jerk, of course) The time I spend with her this year made me realize how much I've missed her, and I won't let us drift apart again.
The paradox of studying literature is that when you're studying, you don't have time to read. In 2011 I wasn't studying, so I had time to read A LOT, mainly modern American classics.
I bought a new camera, Nikon D3100.
I got the cutest car...
...and fell in love with the idea of a road trip. For starters I drove the car all alone from South Karelia to North Karelia - I think I've never felt more free. I simply love cars & driving.
I spent an awesome weekend in Tallinn, Estonia with my Echelon friends...
...and we took a friggin' limousine to the concert venue when we went to see 30 Seconds to Mars (Tallinn IS the Vegas of Europe, you know that) xD
I went for a holiday in Vienna with Abby, and that's where I really got into my hobby of photographing cemeteries.
I drove aimlessly around North Karelia, visited Koli national park and learnt that I don't always have to travel abroads - Finland is a pretty nice place too, and here's still a lot for me to discover.
...I could add a thousand photos and a gazillion stories, but I think this will give you a picture of my year. It was great, and I will never forget all I've seen & experienced in 2011. I'm thankful for everything I've got. This year has taught me that I really can do whatever I want, and that in the end the only thing that matters, is that I'm happy and in peace with myself. Yes, I'm sad this adventure called 2011 is ending, but I'm also excited to see what happens in 2012. There will be some major changes in my life, but I'm confident it will all work out.
I'm not a Christmas person. It might have something to do with the fact that for the past 24 years my Christmasses have always been almost identical: my Mother trying too hard to make everything perfect, and my Father screwing it all up by getting too drunk. Usually ending with me and my Mother opening our gifts in my room, pretending not to hear Father yelling and swearing in livingroom, and in the end both me and my Mother sighing in relief when we heard Father going out and heading to some of his drinking buddies. All this got even worse when I moved to my own. Every year I would come back to my parents for Christmas, every year my Mother would try even harder to make it perfect, and every year (it seemed) my Father tried even harder to ruin it all.
So, maybe it's not a wonder I don't like Christmas time.
This year I decided to try something new - not going to my family for Christmas at all, but spending it all alone in my own home in Joensuu. It might sound depressing for most of people, but I'm not most people. I enjoy being on my own, and therefore I've already made a habit of spending New Years alone, so I thought Christmas would work out the same way just fine.
I admit I was pretty surprised how well everyone in my family took it when I told I'm not coming back to Luumäki for Christmas this year. Somehow I was expecting lectures about how Christmas is a family holiday which should never be spend alone. But no, everyone was like "Okay, if that's what you want." I guess everyone in my family is sick of those Christmasses too, and they've just kept trying because of me.
So, I stayed in Joensuu for Christmas. Both of my flat mates were gone for their families by 17th of December, and I enjoyed the silence (and finally had a chance to practice the speaking section of TOEFL without my flat mates thinking I've gone completely nuts). I had decided to take the Christmas Eve just like any other evening, no special plans whatsoever.
Much to my surprise, my Christmas Eve still sucked, a big time. I really don't know what happened, but as soon as I got up on 24th, I just knew it wasn't a good day, and as the hours passed, it just got worse. Now, there is one thing about me: I never feel lonely, and I'm only bored like once or twice a year. But on 24th I felt so goddamn lonely and miserable all day and I was bored out of my mind. I tried to think of it just as another evening, but somehow it didn't work out at all. It all just felt wrong.
I ended up watching TV series on DVD, episode after episode, just hoping I'd get tired enough to go to sleep and get rid of the damn day. Then suddenly (during the pilot of Sons of Anarchy, which I by the way didn't find as interesting as I had expected) I started sobbing. Here's one more fact: I don't cry. Seriously. I mean, it's just not my thing. The last time I cried was maybe a few years back, and that was just for some dumbass reason because I was too tired, you know. But on Christmas Eve I found myself crying my eyes out because I felt so lonely and pathetic, and because I had a guilty conscious for not being with my family. SO NOT LIKE ME.
Well, the Christmas Eve finally came to an end. I went to bed, prayed I would feel better the next morning and... as I woke up on 25th, everything was back to normal again and I had a wonderful time! What's up with that? I was so miserable for the whole 24th, but as soon as it was over, I was fine again. Maybe I'm cursed or something. Maybe I should try spending the next Christmas abroads and see if it still sucks as much. Or maybe I will just go to my family, at least I'll know what to expect there.
The bottom line is, I'm extremely happy that Christmas is a closed case for another year once again. Soon it will be New Year, my favorite time of the year. Tonight my best friend Silje is coming over for a few days, and I know we'll have so much fun together, and I'll get over this Christmas disaster.
AND by telling you how my Christmas was, I've also got over the most difficult part of starting a new blog - writing the first entry. Thanks for reading, and see you soon again.
yours truly~
ps. I'm not a Christmas person, but I still love Christmas songs. Wanna hear my all-time favorite? It's Christmas in Dixie by Alabama. I remember walking down the streets of Barcelona and listening to this on repeat last year - good times... good times.
