Thank God the yuletide is almost over!
I'm not a Christmas person. It might have something to do with the fact that for the past 24 years my Christmasses have always been almost identical: my Mother trying too hard to make everything perfect, and my Father screwing it all up by getting too drunk. Usually ending with me and my Mother opening our gifts in my room, pretending not to hear Father yelling and swearing in livingroom, and in the end both me and my Mother sighing in relief when we heard Father going out and heading to some of his drinking buddies. All this got even worse when I moved to my own. Every year I would come back to my parents for Christmas, every year my Mother would try even harder to make it perfect, and every year (it seemed) my Father tried even harder to ruin it all.
So, maybe it's not a wonder I don't like Christmas time.
This year I decided to try something new - not going to my family for Christmas at all, but spending it all alone in my own home in Joensuu. It might sound depressing for most of people, but I'm not most people. I enjoy being on my own, and therefore I've already made a habit of spending New Years alone, so I thought Christmas would work out the same way just fine.
I admit I was pretty surprised how well everyone in my family took it when I told I'm not coming back to Luumäki for Christmas this year. Somehow I was expecting lectures about how Christmas is a family holiday which should never be spend alone. But no, everyone was like "Okay, if that's what you want." I guess everyone in my family is sick of those Christmasses too, and they've just kept trying because of me.
So, I stayed in Joensuu for Christmas. Both of my flat mates were gone for their families by 17th of December, and I enjoyed the silence (and finally had a chance to practice the speaking section of TOEFL without my flat mates thinking I've gone completely nuts). I had decided to take the Christmas Eve just like any other evening, no special plans whatsoever.
Much to my surprise, my Christmas Eve still sucked, a big time. I really don't know what happened, but as soon as I got up on 24th, I just knew it wasn't a good day, and as the hours passed, it just got worse. Now, there is one thing about me: I never feel lonely, and I'm only bored like once or twice a year. But on 24th I felt so goddamn lonely and miserable all day and I was bored out of my mind. I tried to think of it just as another evening, but somehow it didn't work out at all. It all just felt wrong.
I ended up watching TV series on DVD, episode after episode, just hoping I'd get tired enough to go to sleep and get rid of the damn day. Then suddenly (during the pilot of Sons of Anarchy, which I by the way didn't find as interesting as I had expected) I started sobbing. Here's one more fact: I don't cry. Seriously. I mean, it's just not my thing. The last time I cried was maybe a few years back, and that was just for some dumbass reason because I was too tired, you know. But on Christmas Eve I found myself crying my eyes out because I felt so lonely and pathetic, and because I had a guilty conscious for not being with my family. SO NOT LIKE ME.
Well, the Christmas Eve finally came to an end. I went to bed, prayed I would feel better the next morning and... as I woke up on 25th, everything was back to normal again and I had a wonderful time! What's up with that? I was so miserable for the whole 24th, but as soon as it was over, I was fine again. Maybe I'm cursed or something. Maybe I should try spending the next Christmas abroads and see if it still sucks as much. Or maybe I will just go to my family, at least I'll know what to expect there.
The bottom line is, I'm extremely happy that Christmas is a closed case for another year once again. Soon it will be New Year, my favorite time of the year. Tonight my best friend Silje is coming over for a few days, and I know we'll have so much fun together, and I'll get over this Christmas disaster.
AND by telling you how my Christmas was, I've also got over the most difficult part of starting a new blog - writing the first entry. Thanks for reading, and see you soon again.
yours truly~
ps. I'm not a Christmas person, but I still love Christmas songs. Wanna hear my all-time favorite? It's Christmas in Dixie by Alabama. I remember walking down the streets of Barcelona and listening to this on repeat last year - good times... good times.
2 comments:
I always told my kids that when they grew up, they would have to come up with their own Christmas traditions for their families. My son and his family spent their Christmas in Galveston making their own memories; my daughter took the train down from L.A. to spend Christmas with us. A good time was had by all, I think. Sometimes distance lends fondness, sometimes not. Good choice for a Christmas song.
As weird as this sounds, I'm glad someone is the same as me and doesn't see the whole Christmas magic thing because you're right. It seems to be a facade where the poor mother is trying to disguise the fact that the father is being completely unfair. Christmas should be about family but at some point you have to spread your wings and move on, make your own memories.
Oh no, I'm really excited to see Sons of Anarchy but you and I are like TV soul sisters so if you don't like it, I probably won't either :/ Dayummmm! I'll most definitely need to give it a gander!
I hope you have a good New Year!!
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