Friday, January 6, 2012

Bucket List

Johanna's Bucket List inspired me to write my own :-) This is just the first prototype of my bucket list, and I'm sure I'll add more missions to it later, but here we go... Things I want to do before it's too late:

A Road Trip in the US
This is something I've dreamed of for a long time (and it has only gone worse after I started watching Supernatural, haha). I think it has something to do with me being European: all those words like California, Route 66, South Carolina, and Kentucky sound almost magical to me (I bet Americans feel the same about Paris, Rome, or Amsterdam)... I love driving, and the idea of the endless highways of the US makes me so excited to go and explore and see and experience that I feel I might just explode!

Quit Smoking
I know it's not going to happen any time soon, but one day I'd like to give up smoking. The cruel truth is that I like smoking. Even as a kid I liked the smell of cigarette smoke. I also think my smoking has something to do with the little sister syndrome - my big sister started to smoke when she was 13, and it didn't take too long when I followed her example like a good little sister is supposed to do... I smoke a lot, and it doesn't bother me, seriously, I'm arrogant enough not to care about the health risks. Anyway, I don't drink alcohol at all, and somehow I think it would "fit" that I didn't smoke either. So, maybe one day... one day, not just yet.

Study in English
I love this language. Like, I read 95% of my books in English, I don't watch Finnish TV just because the subtitles annoy me so much, I never miss a chance to speak English and I even write my own old-school diary in English. During my gap year I realized the only courses I had really enjoyed at the University of Eastern Finland were those of Academic English, which are taught by native teachers. This spring I'm applying to this program, it sounds simply perfect for me. Wish me luck! I would also like to live in some English speaking country for a while :-)

Get the GAD 100% Under Control
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, my personal demon. It has been like 89% under control for the last year thanks to new medication. I have more good days than bad ones, but the bad days are still pretty bad. It's when I get those terrible headaches, I get dizzy, I get nauseous, I feel I can't breath, my vision gets blurry, my heart beats like crazy, I feel shaky, I get paranoid, I cannot sleep or eat, and all I'd like to do is curl into my bed and wait until the room stops spinning. I know GAD is something I will always have and I simply need to learn how to deal with it, learn how to stop it before it spins out of control. One day I'd like to be so well that I wouldn't even remember the damn thing.

Help People
...oh well, that was vague. Let me try and explain. Like Patrick Jane put it, it's nice to be nice. I love the feeling I get when I'm helping other people or making them feel better. It doesn't matter if it's helping an elderly lady across the street, doing volunteer work, or listening to my friends when they're going through hard times - I get my kicks by helping the others. I never hurt anyone's feelings if I can avoid it, and I'm always trying to understand others' point of view, no matter how bizarre it might seem to me. I love surprising my friends by letters and other little things that (hopefully) make them understand that I care, that I'll be there for them no matter what. That's who I am, and that's how I like it.

Learn Some Random Skills
I'm obsessed with some skills, and here's a list of things I'd like to try/learn. I don't necessarily need to master the skill, but I'd like to learn the basics. Glassblowing, archery, shooting a handgun, sailing, motorcycling, speaking some completely random language like Hebrew, bookbinding, developing photos... stuff like that.

Travel, Travel, Travel
I'm constantly consumed by wanderlust, and I'm at my happiest when I'm on the road. I don't know what else to say about this. Maybe one day I'm ready to settle down, but right now all I want to do is to see new places and meet new people. I think I need to write a Traveling Bucket List later, I have so many dream destinations.

See 30 Seconds to Mars in the US
Okay, 30 Seconds to Mars is my favorite band (and a great excuse to travel!) So far I've seen them in Glasgow, Manchester, London, Helsinki (x2), Stockholm, Barcelona, São Paulo, Tallinn, Riga and Vilnius, but my biggest dream is to see them in their own country. Following 30STM US tour would make a perfect addition to my US road trip, by the way! ;-)

See Rob Zombie
Rob Zombie is the coolest, your opinion is invalid. Eversince I heard Living Dead Girl for the first time (it was on Psycho soundtrack) I've been addicted to Rob Zombie's badass music. I also love his movies, and it would be awesome (and also pretty scary) to meet him too. It seems he pretty much never tours outside the US, so I think I need to go there to see a gig.

Work as a Funeral Director / Mortician
I've been working at the cemeteries for 5 years now, and I truly like the job. I have exactly the kind of sense of humour you need in this profession, and... I don't know how to explain it without sounding too creepy, but I simply enjoy the sense of closure you get in this job. Like I always tell people, being slightly obsessed with death doesn't make you suicidal, nor does it make you a potential serial killer. At the moment I work at the cemetery, which means mainly dealing with gardening and the part of the funerals that take place at the cemetery. I'd like to see the other side of this job too - the one that takes place before the bodies come to our refridgerator in their caskets. We're already joking with my boss Abby (who is also a good friend of mine) that if we don't get decent jobs soons, we'll start our own funeral home!

See Shakespeare's Hamlet in some Language I Don't Know
This is one of the most random things on my bucket list, but it's also one of the oldest. I got obsessed with Shakespeare and especially with Hamlet in highschool. I have read this play so many times I pretty much know every line by heart. I have seen it once in Finnish and once in English, but I'd like to see it in some language I don't know, and I don't know why! It is just an obsession, and the idea won't leave me alone until I do it.


Settle Down
Earlier I said I cannot settle down yet, but I hope someday I'm done with all the crazy adventures and travelling. Not anytime soon, but you know like after 40 years or so. Then I want to settle down in some quiet little village, live a quiet little life and have no regrets whatsoever. At the moment my thirst for new experiences is so huge I cannot even consider buying a house of my own, but still I hope one day I'll be ready. I don't want to drift around aimlessly my whole life, in the end I want find a HOME. A place where I will feel calm and happy even if I'm not constantly doing something. I think this will be the last thing on my bucket list, but I hope one day I will be able to cross over this one too.
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these are some things I'd like to do sooner or later. How about you, what would you like to do before it's too late? Maybe you should write your own bucket list if you haven't done it already. After writing your list, read it through and ask what the list tells you about yourself. You might be surprised how revealing these kind of deepest dreams can be ;-)

yours truly~

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Couple of New Leads in "2012" Case

I have been pretty confused about this new year, like "I have so much to do, where do I start" -confused, you know. I haven't slept well, I've been feeling low and also lost the little I had left of my appetite. I think it's all because I have been kind of stressed about 2012, about the idea that my gap year is over and now I'm supposed to start doing stuff again.

I was supposed to take the TOEFL test in Helsinki on 13th of this month, but when I started going through my notes this morning, I realized that I'm not ready. The language isn't the problem, it never was, but I'm still struggling with the answering techniques. So, I rescheduled the test, and now I will go and do it in March. I feel better already, I'm sure I did the right thing. After all, TOEFL costs 240$ and the last thing I want, is to feel I've wasted my money just because I didn't have time to prepare propelly.

Now I can take it a little easier in January, stay in Joensuu and take care of everything here. Ugh, I need to go to university and meet all my professors and explain why I'm going to quit after this semester. I will be SO relieved after I'm done with all those meetings! I know there's nothing they can say to make me stay longer than I absolutely have to, but still... well, I know it won't be nice to tell them that after my gap year I've come to conclusion that their university is not the right place for me and therefore I'll be gone as soon as possible, thank you very much and goodbye. HA, I already promised myself I will buy the complete Friends seasons 1-10 DVD box set after I'm done with all those terrible university meetings, that should motivate me enough! ;-)

So, staying in Joensuu in January. In February I want to go to Luumäki / South Karelia for a few days. I miss my family, especially Miia. We talk on the phone almost everyday, but of course it's not the same. I think I'm a little homesick for South Karelia, which is weird because I'm supposed to be home right now, in my own apartment in Joensuu. Complicated and pretty annoying, but if everything goes as planned, all this will be over in a few months and I can leave this damn town for good and move back to where I really belong. Ohh yes, and Abby might be coming to Joensuu in February, we have some plans for Valentine's Day (yay, watching NCIS all days long!)

Then it will be March, I'll go to Helsinki and do good in TOEFL. Maybe I could even organize a little trip after TOEFL, since I'll be in Helsinki already (all the cheap flights take off from Helsinki). I noticed Blue1 flies from Helsinki to Rome for 59 which sounds oh too tempting. March would be a perfect time to take a little holiday - after TOEFL, but before moving and entrance exams which are in April, and before I can go back to work in May. We'll see, but like I said: tempting, ohh so tempting...

That's the plan for this spring, felt good to write it all down (in my opinion, everything always makes more sense if it is written down). We'll see how all these plans turn out, but right now I will simply concentrade on trying to sleep better, this lack of sleep is taking its toll. Argh my old friend Insomnia, I didn't really miss you at all.

In the end I want to show you something that totally made my day yesterday when I opened an email from Ria! It is the "Tim & Three Mice" photo from Lithuania, and for some reason I didn't have it until now. This was the first time I got myself photographed with 30STM touring basist Tim Kelleher, he is the sweetest guy<3 The other two mice are Elina and Ria :-)

photo taken by Johanna & sent to me by Ria

Sorry if I bored you with my plans, I guess this was one of those blog entries I just needed to write for myself to get it all down somewhere. Now I'm off the make a chicken salad and then it's time to watch the new NCIS episode (yay, I've missed DiNozzo)
yours truly*

Monday, January 2, 2012

Pointless LMAO post

(sorry for this completely pointless post but this whole thing made me laugh so much I had to share it with someone...)

Look what happened to my candle! ,_, LOL I didn't realize I left the candlestick too close to the radiator xD


Poor candle... but I think I'll leave it the way it is. Cheers me up everytime I see it xD