it's a wonderful life ❤

Whee, I had such a great day! :-)

I knew this was going to be a great day as soon as I woke up and saw sun was shining ☼ I've missed the sun so much... I guess Helen was right when she suggested I'm suffering from the lack of sun light. Anyway, as soon as I saw the sun was shining, I knew it was a good day and I was entitled to have fun.

Not even a glance at the termometer slowed me down. Well... -32•C xD That's the crazy thing about winter. If the sun is shining, it means it's insanely cold! Doesn't really make sense, does it? I decided it's only a matter of clothing, and wore the warmest clothes I own:

...I felt like a Michelin Man but I was right - I wasn't even cold when I got out there! :-) L0L and note - I wasn't wearing my glasses (if you don't have glasses, you will never understand how absolutely annoying it is when your glasses fog/freeze up). The thing is that I have so-called refractive error in my eyes, which in plain English means I can actually see pretty clearly but I'm a little cross-eyed, and I wear glasses to fix it. So, I can survive without glasses, but it makes me feel like I've had a few beers and after four or five hours I get a headache (actually I'm starting to feel that headache now, ugh). LMAO it was actually pretty hilarious - I stumbled in stairs, felt like it wasn't so easy to walk straight and even bumped into one door in downtown! xD Oh well... it was worth of it.

First I had a massage, like I do almost every Monday. I started having massages last winter when my back was in such a bad condition it made me dizzy and caused me terrible headaches. Nowadays my back is just fine, and I mainly go to massage therapy just because it feels sooooo good (and because my massagist pretty much doubles as my psychologist too, HA). It was lovely as always.

I didn't feel like going home straight from the massage, so stayed in downtown for a while. I realized Valentine's Day is on the way, so I had some shopping to do. I think Valentine's Day is like Christmas - people hate it or love it. I hate Christmas but love Valentine's Day. In Finland we call Valentine's Day "ystävänpäivä" which translates into Friends' Day. So, for me (or us) it's not so much about lovers, but all about friends. I love my friends, and I love having this special day to celebrate my friendships. This year Abby will come to Joensuu to celebrate Valentine's Day with me, and I have some awesome plans (but not telling any of that here - Abby is reading my blog anyway and I want to surprise her) ^^ Cannot wait. I'm also going to write some letters and send cards to my long-distance friends... yes, like I said, I love Valentine's Day.

Aaaaand in the end I made my typical mistake: visited TopTen. It's a known fact I cannot visit TopTen without buying something... but for once I actually needed something. I love my Nikon D3100, but the thing is it's quite big and heavy to carry around and sometimes a smaller camera would get handy (mainly thinking the US roadtrip here). And surprise surprise, TopTen had some January Sale thing going on, and I found a perfect little Nikon (in Nikon we trust, always)! And look look, it matches my mp3 player and laptop! :D

Awww<3 I'm such a girl sometimes, but at least my electronics aren't pink! ;-)

Well, of course I did not make it out of TopTen without buying some DVDs... I got Studio Ghibli's Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind and Tales from Earthsea for 12€. I simply love Studio Ghibli movies, and I haven't seen these. I bet I'll have a movie night tonight :-)

Now I'm thinking... hot chocolate with marshmallows and chocolate chip cookies. Maybe a few episodes of Supernatural... and getting started with those Valentine's Day letters... Lovely. It seems I was right when I wrote I still have time to have a good time in January -- this day was so great it pretty much paid back those not-so-great earlier days of the month.

Have a nice week & see you around xxo

yours truly-

jumping without a parachute

I've been trying to write this entry for a long time, and learnt it doesn't get any easier. There's simply no easy way to explain what has been going on in my mind recently, but I'll try.

I've been thinking about my life a lot recently. I've been questioning my choices, I've been torturing myself with big questions. I've forced myself to admit certain things, and I've struggled with questions about my own motives and other people's expectations. In the end I've found some answers too. And here I thought that was the difficult part! No, the difficult part is to find the right words to tell you what I've learnt about myself and where my life is going now.

I know I can never fully explain what drives me in this life, but I'll try. First, on 26th of April 2010 my beloved mother had a stroke. Then, a month later, I was involved in a pretty bad car accident. These two things changed me -- but only for good. I finally really realized there's no way to know what's going to happen tomorrow. I learnt to appriciate and love life, even the smallest things and rainy days. I promised myself I will never postpone anything, I will enjoy every day of my life like it was my last one - because it might as well be. I know it sounds like a whole punch of clichés, but I'm serious about all this stuff.

I am now 25 years old. People tell me how in my age I should find a boyfriend, get a job, get married, start a  family, buy a house and be responsible. What makes me sad, is that none of those people who are so keen to tell me what I should do with my life, advices me to find a way to be happy. All I hear is talk about jobs, families, houses, and responsibilities - like those things would automatically make me happy. When I tell people I don't really fancy any of those things, they take it as a personal insult and start telling how I should grow up. Newsflash: I've been dealing with losing a parent, I've got a driver's licence, I've lost my virginity, I live on my own, I've studied in university, I run my family's real estate business and I've closed 100,000€ deals, I pay my bills with money I've earned myself, I pay my taxes, and I take full responsibility of all my actions. According to my standards, that makes me a "grown-up", and the rest is none of anyone else's business.

Keeping all this in mind and returning to the original topic - my future - I'm here to confess something. It's a well-known fact that I'm willing to leave university behind after this spring. I've been telling everyone (myself included) how I'd love to study hotel & tourism, how I'm applying to a college in Imatra this spring and hopefully starting those studies next autumn. Okay, here comes the part I've been struggling to confess (even to myself).

I don't want any of that, not now. I'm not just sick of studying in university. I'm sick of studying, period.

I'm going to jump without a parachute.

This spring I'm moving back to South Karelia. My family owns a farmhouse there, and that's where I'm going to move all my belongings. The house has been abandoned for two years, it's old and freezing during the winters, but during the summers it's just fine - and that's all I need right now. I'm pretty sure I'll get my old job at the cemetery back, so I could work and earn money till the end of October. And then... I have some things I need to do before I turn 30.

What I've been thinking recently, is how some doors remain open when some doors close forever. The thing is, most colleges in Finland don't have any age limits, you can go and study if you're 18 or 65. Work & Travel visas are only available for people under 30, and same applies to some volunteer work programs as well. That's what I've been thinking. I'm now 25, and if I go to college, I will graduate when I'm 29. That's too late! This might be my one and only chance, and I'm not going to waste it. People only regret things they didn't do - everything else can be passed with "what's done, it's done" -attidute, you know.

Like I said, I'm going to jump without a parachute.

Future will tell how long this phase in my life will last - it might be just this one year, it might be a few years, or a decade. I don't know, and I don't need to know. I've got enough of waiting and planning my life - I want to live it, NOW. Working 5 months a year at the cemetery and not needing to pay a rent of the family farmhouse will save me enough money to travel during the winters - with Work & Travel visa or doing volunteer work, or whatever I find. Wanderlust is killing me, and I'm done fighting it - I want to travel and see the world before it's too late! If this is what I really want, if it makes me happy, if I'm ready to deal with the consequences and I can afford it, I think the rest is none of anyone else's business.  Life is choices, and (thank God) we're all free to do our own choices. This is my choice.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not fearless or taking all this too lightly. Far from that. To tell you the truth, I'm pretty terrified. Once I sign the papers at the university, there's no going back - I'll be on my own. This means kind of jumping out of the society and its safety net. There has always been a little anarchist inside of me, and it likes to think that if I'm not asking anything from the society, the society won't be able to ask anything from me. For me it's all about freedom, living your live the way you love it. Isn't that the most important thing in life? We only have this one life, and it's going fast. Why waste your precious time doing things you don't find interesting? Why ask others' opinions when it's about you and your life? All good questions which I've been asking myself lately.

I get a feeling I'm just repeating myself and desperately explaining my motives. I knew it would be difficult to explain all this, but I didn't know it would be this hard. All this is so ultimately personal, it's hard to work it out into written form, you know (if you don't believe me, just try to write down why you are doing what you're doing!). But I tried, because for once in my life I wanted to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing. Let's say this was the first and last time. I don't care so much about others' opinions, and generally I don't have any need to explain myself to those who don't understand. Let's make a deal - I live my life my way, you live your life your way, and it's all just great as long as we're both happy. Deal?

yours truly-

ps. sorry for this too long and messed up post. I just really needed to get all this out of my chest. After this we can return to my semi-boring daily life, I promise ;-)

to angst or not to angst, that is the question...

...there is something rotten in Finland (I told you, I know my Hamlet by heart)... seriously, get ready for some whining, because I'm seriously annoyed at the moment.

I hate winter, I hate the wind, and I'm tired of snow.
I hate freezing my ass off and getting my socks wet every time I step out of the door.
I hate how it's dark when I wake up and dark when I go to sleep.
I hate how I haven't seen the sun in 4 damn weeks!
And I really, really, really don't like January.

Maybe I'm getting old... I used to love winter and all the winter sports like ice-skating and skiing. Nowadays I only hope it would be April already. During the busy summer days I always think how nice winter will be - how I'll have time for reading, being online and watching TV series hour after hour, how I'll be able to sleep as long as I want... but by January I'm always bored with all that. I have always loved April without any specific reason, and now I've noticed I hate January in the same manner - without any specific reason, I just don't like it, it just makes me angsty and edgy.

I'm pretty sure there's no way around this January angst of mine, but sure as hell I'll fight. Today I was feeling especially edgy, but after dwelling in my winter misery for a few hours, I decided to do something about it! People who know me better, know how much I really hate being bored, and how I'm always coming up with something (sometimes absolutely ridicilous) to fight the boredom and find adventures. If I'm miserable, it's no one else's fault but mine. I've let myself get into this angsty-edgy-bored state of mind all by myself, and it's all up to me to get out of it, too. Now it's time to fight - I still have one week to have a good time in January!

First I finally completed my application in ESTA (Electronic System for Travel Authorization) which is required for travelling to the US. So, I entered the Homeland Security website for the first time in my life...

Since I'm indeed going to the States for the very first time, all this is pretty exciting for me, and even completing the application made me feel better. Like, one step closer to my US adventure. And some of the questions in the application were pretty interesting (interesting enough to be copy/pasted). Like...

"Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?"

or

"Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or have been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more; or have been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?"

Apparently all my answers were correct (I'm not "seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities"!), because in the end I got this nice message:

"Your travel authorization has been approved and you are authorized to travel to the United States under the Visa Waiver Program."

WHOHOO & THANKS! :-)

Then I had a chat online with Abby. Abby is one of my best friends, and she always manages to cheer me up, even if it's via computer screen :-) I also ordered Rizzoli & Isles season 1 on DVD! Haha, every time I watch R&I, it reminds me of me and Abby... I'd be Rizzoli and Abby is clearly Isles ;-) I told this to Abby, and she promised to check this show out. Hopefully she likes it ^^

After all the cheering up done online, I fought the weather, paid a visit to the closest Hesburger and got myself some apple pie & ice cream. YUMMY!

Next I'll have a loooong, hot shower before spending rest of the evening watching X Files or Smallville (after watching a few seasons of Doctor Who recently, I've somehow slipped into this scifi phase)... overall, I'm feeling much better already, but I will still be happy once January is a closed case! Ohh well, only one more week to go, and after that I'll hopefully have some more interesting things to write about than angst and apple pie ;-)

Yours truly-

take it from someone who knows

You know those books where little children ponder life and answer philosophical questions in their own adorable way? Well, today at the library I found a similar kind of book, but done with elderly people, and I love it! :-) I mean... after you've lived 70 or 80 years, you must know something about something, right? The book is called Lev livet, der går inte i repris, which translates into something like "Live your life, you're going to die anyway". I just want to share some of my favorite quotes with you, and I hope you like them as much as I did :-) Have a nice week & see you! xxo
yours truly-

ps. translations are all by me, so sorry for any odd sentences and stuff.

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What is the best part of being old?
Age doesn't matter that much... I mean, unless you're a bottle of wine or a piece of expensive cheese.
Arvid, 79

What is the meaning of life?
All that talk about how everything in life should be safe and stable... in my opinion, people are just fooling themselves. Life simply isn't safe or stable, but in the worst case it can be boring. Life is an adventure or nothing. Take it from someone who knows.
Stig, 79

What has been the best moment of your life?
I've had such a wonderful life! But only after getting older I've realized how fantastic it really has been. I've lived in South America, I've been married, I've had lovers, I've gone out and danced at the finest restaurants till morning... I have children and grandchildren, and I have souveniers from all over the world. And the bad things have been good too. For example getting fired from a hotel turned out to be the best thing ever happened to me! I don't think I would have travelled so much if I wasn't fired.
Stina, 82
 
If you could live your life all over again from the beginning, what would you do differently?
The hardest thing to live with is a guilty conscience. If I could live my life all over again, that's something I'd like to change. I would always follow my intution, my gut. I wouldn't fool myself, I wouldn't pretend to be anything I'm not. I believe that's the secret of a happy life. 
Sture, 70


Do you have any regrets?
The only sin in life is to be average.
Nils, 75

I don't regret things I did, only things I didn't do.
Magdalena, 71

I regret things I didn't do. I think I regret being too scared to take any risks. Sometimes I think of that... how I was too afraid of failing to even try anything new. I regret I never really lived my life for myself. I only lived to please the others. That's something I really regret.
Anna-Stina, 66

If you could give one piece of advice to someone young, what would you tell him/her?
Never ponder whether you have succeeded or failed. Instead, make sure you really live your life. You'll have time for thinking after you're dead.
Harry, 68

The most important thing is to be excited about life, to be hungry for it. That's my piece of advice. Do only things you're really passionate about, something you really want to do. That way, everything will work out for you. And keep your feet warm!
Karin, 88

My only piece of advice would be this: don't try to please everyone! It will only make you miserable and stop you from doing what you'd really like to do. And before you know, you'll sit there, playing bridge with all the other old ladies.
Linnea, 75

I always tell my grandchildren they should really travel as much as possible and explore the world as long as they're young. There's so much to see in this world. So, if you have an opportunity, go and travel!
Britta, 73

What is the most important thing in life?
I think everyone dreams about love and adventures. Unfortunately, many people give up without even trying to reach their dreams. Too many people are prisoners of their own fears. Life will be over before we know it. If you have a car, drive! If you have money, use it! If you have loving people around you, love them! What the hell are all these people waiting for?
Greta, 70

❤

welcome to my silly life

I'm in such a good mood that I decided to write just a little something-something. I had a wonderful (and lazy!) Wednesday at home, I even had time for five o'clock tea! It is a well-known fact that I'm a coffee person to the bone, but a few years ago when I had a crush on Patrick Jane, I finally learnt to like tea too. So, today I enjoyed a cup of Prince of Wales and spent some time remembering summer -04 which I spent in South England. Back then I hated tea, and those daily (host) family meetings with tea were practically torture to me! Funny how things change.

I also dyed my hair today :-) I didn't really like the previous (red-based) colour eventhough my hairdresser said it brought up the colour of my eyes. Meh, no one sees my eyes anyway because I'm always wearing glasses, so I'm more than happy to be back  in dark brown.

That's it, that's pretty much all I've done today! =D Oh well, and listened to P!nk. Honestly, I had always thought I don't like female singers, and most of all, I had always thought P!nk is something... different than I learnt it actually is. I have a feeling she will be my soundtrack artist this spring. Like all the best music discoveries, this one happened to me accidentally. I was killing time in Youtube last night, and came across some Supernatural fanvids, and... well, I heard this one song, and I immetedly fell in love with its attidute. Another funny thing/confession which has to do with the following video: at first, I didn't like Castiel in Supernatural, not at all, but now I suddenly think... that maybe I'll learn to like him too (I'm halfway through season 5 at the moment). Funny little things. Like the title says, welcome to my silly life. The song is Fucking Perfect by P!nk

 

Now it's around 9pm, and I'll enjoy my lazy Wednesday till the end by watching something and reading. I finished reading Geisha's Memoirs last night, and started Steinbeck's Travels with Charley. I've only read the first 20 pages so far, but already I dare to say I love it! From the first page, when Steinbeck started to explain his wanderlust, I was like "that's exactly how I feel!" Too bad my current (library) copy is in Finnish, if it was in English I would have quoted some of my favorite parts for you. But fear not, the next time I'm shopping in Amazon, I will definitely order a copy of this great travel journal and then you'll see what I'm talking about :-)

This was one random Wednesday in my life. I hope you had a nice day too xxo

Yours truly-

Back to Reality (More or Less)

Ha, I'm writing this entry just to avoid cleaning up for a while. Honestly, I don't understand what's wrong with me -- every time I clean up, I do it propelly, and then a few days later my room looks like a bomb just exploded! Anyway, here I am, trying to postpone depressing Monday clean-up a little.

After Christmas Holiday, New Year shock ("Where did my gap year go?") and the initial "I'm going to the States" hype, it has been time to return to reality and its boring tasks -- university, libraries, doing laundry, paying bills, booking appointments and all that. Well, I'm not complaining (yet). I had so long Christmas vacation that it's actually pretty nice to be back in business. I've also made an effort to meet up with my friends as much as possible, keeping in mind that in 4 months I'll move away and they're most likely staying here. Last week was insanely busy, but I think this week will be a little bit easier -- or at least most of the things I've planned to get done this week can be organized online or by phone (read: no need to go downtown).

I have now booked all my flights for March/April, and this is what I'm going to do:

fly from Helsinki to Boston 12.3.

take a train from Boston to NYC on 15.3.

US road trip from NYC to LA 16.3. - 5.4.

staying in Los Angeles 5. - 7.4.

Reyakjavik (Iceland) 8. - 11.4.

back in Finland 11.4

Reyakjavik? YES! I couldn't resist Icelandic Air's stopover tickets, which allow you to stay in Iceland for one to seven days on your way from/to the States. Besides, stopping in Iceland for a few days also makes the jetlag easier (ohh well, that sounded like an excuse... guilty as charged). Anyway, now I have flights and a hotel in NYC. Next task is to book hotels for Boston, Los Angeles and Reyakjavik, but (LOL) that has to wait until I get my credit card bill, because at the moment I'm already too close to my credit limit x)

You are probably already sick of my travel plans (but this is who I am, and if you're planning to continue reading my blog, you better get used to it, sorry) but I got to share this one more thing with you. A few days ago I was looking for a hotel in Los Angeles, just to know which one I want to book as soon as my credit card works again... I put my information to a search engine, like the dates and how much I can afford to pay for my stay etc. and one of the first results the engine suggested was Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. The name sounded familiar, and after a while I realized why I knew the name!

I've been watching Haunted History recently (and I recommend it if you like supernatural stories and history) and... check this out starting from 2:55

OMG!

I'm still not 100% sure if I want to stay in a haunted hotel, since I definitely do believe in all sorts of supernatural things, but I admit I'm tempted... We'll see, but I'm not promising anything. Nonetheless, the idea of staying there sounds pretty cool. Imagine running into Marilyn Monroe by the swimming pool! ;-)

Well, that's about the travel plans for now. Today I decided to be a good girl and visit university and libraries. Finally got a new sticker to my student card, returned tons of books to the libraries (I tend to borrow fiction from City Library and everything else from University Library), made some more or less important phone calls, and right now I'm pretty happy with all these achievements (UGH, I already forgot I'm only writing to avoid cleaning up!)

During the Christmas holiday I watched so damn much TV, that I thought now it's a good time to get into reading again. This is what I currently have on my reading list:

• The Rough Guide to the Grand Canyon
• Cityspots Reykjavik
• Lonely Planet New England
• First Time Around the World
• Culture Wise America
• Henrikson: Route 66 (I've read this at least 5 times and I love it! It's about two guys driving from Chicago to LA)
• Mondo travelguide Iceland
• The Rough Guide to USA
• Steinbeck: Travels with Charley
• Miller: The Air-Conditioned Nightmare
• Outline of U.S. History
• Culture Smart USA
• Stevenson: The Amateur Emigrant
• Ranin: Käsi Otsalla (~biography of Matti Ranin. Ranin is my favorite Finnish actor, and I've wanted to read his biography for years)
• Kuula: Paholaisen Biografia (~The Biography of Devil; it's a study about the devil and demons, and it sounded terribly interesting after all the Supernatural I've watched recently)

And to make sure I'm not running out of books, the mailman brought me these last week:

So yeah, I've got more than enough to read but on the other hand I'm a fast reader (I actually trained it last summer and in the end I was able to read around 200 pages in an hour - doesn't beat Spencer Reid, but still pretty well, I think).

Ohh alas, but now I really need to get up and do something about this mess in my room. I was planning to write something about my latest TV series discovers here too, but I think this entry is long enough already, so I'll have to get back to those. Have a nice week & see you around,

yours truly~

Your Reservation Is... Confirmed

Here I go again... or not yet, but in March. Feels kind of funny that earlier I wrote a quick trip to Rome would be nice. Well, after that wanderlust explotion a few days ago, my travel plans... expanded a little. I'm finally going to do it: I'm going to the United States. I have dreamed of this for so many years, and now it's really going to happen, it's confirmed & paid already (faithful to my habits, I booked & paid it at 2AM... and woke up the next morning with that wonderful WTF-feeling again, haha).

Because this will be my first time in the US, I figured I want to see as much as possible. I also thought that it might be better if I didn't go all alone this time - I know I can manage it anywhere in Europe anytime, but the US is so friggin' big and there's so friggin' much to do & see; some guidance might get handy at first, you know... So, I booked a 21-day road trip from TrekAmerica, and I think it will be a fine way explore this country of dreams for the first time.

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Here is the itinerary for my US tour (copy/paste from TrekAmerica's website)

16.03 - 05.04.2012

Days 1-2 New York Area & Washington DC

Departing from the New York area, travel to the Nation's Capital, Washington DC, for a perfect introduction to the cultural and political history of the United States. Want to know a secret? Go undercover at the International Spy Museum. Make tracks to the zoo, then see where big-hitting political animals shape the nation on an included monument tour.

Days 3-4 Virginia & Nashville

Next, touch down in the Appalachian Mountain Range and the gorgeous pine-clad foothills. Then off to the centre of American music in Nashville, Tennessee - the shining star of the country music scene. Hit The District - centre of city nightlife - laze in the parks, trawl the malls or learn to line dance; cowboy boots or sequinned denim anyone?

Days 5-6 Memphis

A short distance away is Memphis, the Birthplace of the Blues. Strolling along Beale Street must be on your checklist to see the influences that Blues and Jazz music has had on America. But top billing goes to Graceland, former home of the King himself, Elvis Presley.

Days 7-8 New Orleans

Your soundtrack grows jazzier in the Big Easy. Spice up your trip with lipsmacking Cajun and Creole fare, ride a steamboat on the Mississippi River, relax to the sounds of a Jazz or Dixieland band in the French Quarter and join the ongoing party on Bourbon Street. New Orleans has more than just food, drink and music to offer. Join a swamp tour into the alligator habitat of southern Louisiana, to view all sorts of wildlife on the mysterious bayous of Cajun country.

Days 9-10 Louisiana & Austin, Texas

Head out of the bayou and onto the range, as south turns to west before your very eyes. Welcome to the Lone Star State, otherwise known as the great state of Texas. Austin is the "Live music capital of the world" and home of great BBQ. This city is packed with "Texas sized" excitement and is sure to impress.

Days 11-12 Lubbock & Carlsbad Caverns National Park

The birthplace for Buddy Holly and the world's largest cotton growing region. This is the best of Texas. Head out of the largest State into New Mexico and Carlsbad Caverns National Park to explore one of the largest cave systems in the World. Gnarled limestone stalagmites like the Witch's Finger reach upwards, while stalactites in the Bell Cord Room hang from the cavern ceilings.

Days 13 Santa Fe

Roswell International UFO Museum makes for an entertaining stop in the road to Santa Fe, which lays on the Southwestern charm by the bucket load. With 325 days of sunshine per year and bright blue skies, plus some of the best Mexican food in the USA, Santa fe won't dissappoint.

Days 14 Monument Valley

We hit the iconic Monument Valley next, used in countless Hollywood scenes from Westerns to 2001: A Space Odyssey and everything in between. If you choose, you can board a 4x4 and let your Navajo guide show off the huge hunks of red rock and share the fables of the sacred lands. Tonight, experience a stunning sunset overlooking the valley.

Days 15-16 Grand Canyon National Park

Holy Cow! This is a dead cert on your list of top stops! Pack your boots and don't forget your camera for a sunrise/sunset hike along the rim. For the more ambitious take the long hike down Bright Angel Trail to Plateau Point or choose the "bird's eye" view on a scenic flight. Watching the sinking sun paint it amber, maroon and red, its breathtaking immensity will blow you away.

Days 17-18 Las Vegas

Back to the modern world with a bang - Las Vegas - the greatest show on earth! Cruise "The Strip" in a super-stretch limo, indulge in an all-you-can eat buffet, take in a show or just watch the amazing crowds, neon signs and attractions that many hotel casinos have to offer. And if that's not enough, take a helicopter flight down The Strip or just gamble the night away in one of the world class casinos.

Days 19-20 San Diego

SeaWorld or San Diego Zoo? Hold on, is that beach calling? Sure is! Rent bicycles, rollerblades and surfboards at the beach and don your shades and soak up a few final rays.

Days 21 Los Angeles

It's a crying shame it has to end; at least the Hollywood Walk of Fame will help script your blockbuster ending to this great adventure.

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I'm also planning to explore New England a little before the actual tour begins, I have a serious obsession with Massachusetts... So I think I'll fly to Boston, then tour on my own in New England for a few days before going to NYC to start this amazing race :-)

I know some people won't approve this trip (Miia, my dear sister, I'm thinking of you now - no offence) -- I should be studying for the entrance exams, I should be finishing my university studies, I should be saving money for moving back to South Karelia... but you know what I say? SCREW IT. It will all work out in the end anyway. This is who I am, and this is how I want to live my life. I don't want to be the one who in the end realizes she never actually lived. My living philosophy is simple: go, do, see, experience, never postpone anything; none of us knows what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm proud of who I am, and I honestly love each & every day of my life - I think no one could ask for more. THIS IS ME, LIVING MY LIFE.

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Once more with the feeling: UUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH, I can't believe I'm actually going to the States, friggin' amazing! Fantastic, like Doctor Who would say.

yours truly-

Teaser

I know I'm pretty cruel, teasing you like this, but sorry - GAD has been torturing me the last few days and now I suddenly feel SO much better that I can't stop myself. Besides, I think this is the first time I ever tell anyone about this feeling I get every now and then... it's something very essential for me, so essential that so far I have wanted to keep it to myself. Anyway, I thought I should try to write at least something about it, after giving that honesty promise when I started this blog and all. It won't be easy to write what I'm experiencing right now because it feels like I have a Chinese New Year party going on inside my head, but I'll try. So, here goes...

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OH. MY. GOD. I know this feeling...

It always hits me out of the blue, suddenly and with out a warning (this time it hit me when I was refilling my coffee mug in the kitchen). It's the most wonderful feeling I know, it's something like the ultimate endorphin high and adrenaline kicks at the same time. It doesn't happen often, maybe once a year, at tops. It's like a thought that suddenly makes itself known in my brain, something that makes me think "That's it, why I didn't think of that earlier? That's how it has to be!" I just know there's no way to stop it, and there's no way to stop me. I LOVE IT. This feeling tells me I'm soon going to do something most people would consider absolutely insane, but something I would simply call an ADVENTURE.

(hint: the last time I got this feeling, the result was that I bought tickets to São Paulo at 3AM, went to sleep, and woke up the next morning thinking "Holy shiiiit, I'm going to friggin' Brazil!" xD)

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stay tuned, I promise I will get back to this... SOON.

Yours truly-

Bucket List

Johanna's Bucket List inspired me to write my own :-) This is just the first prototype of my bucket list, and I'm sure I'll add more missions to it later, but here we go... Things I want to do before it's too late:

A Road Trip in the US

This is something I've dreamed of for a long time (and it has only gone worse after I started watching Supernatural, haha). I think it has something to do with me being European: all those words like California, Route 66, South Carolina, and Kentucky sound almost magical to me (I bet Americans feel the same about Paris, Rome, or Amsterdam)... I love driving, and the idea of the endless highways of the US makes me so excited to go and explore and see and experience that I feel I might just explode!

Quit Smoking

I know it's not going to happen any time soon, but one day I'd like to give up smoking. The cruel truth is that I like smoking. Even as a kid I liked the smell of cigarette smoke. I also think my smoking has something to do with the little sister syndrome - my big sister started to smoke when she was 13, and it didn't take too long when I followed her example like a good little sister is supposed to do... I smoke a lot, and it doesn't bother me, seriously, I'm arrogant enough not to care about the health risks. Anyway, I don't drink alcohol at all, and somehow I think it would "fit" that I didn't smoke either. So, maybe one day... one day, not just yet.

Study in English

I love this language. Like, I read 95% of my books in English, I don't watch Finnish TV just because the subtitles annoy me so much, I never miss a chance to speak English and I even write my own old-school diary in English. During my gap year I realized the only courses I had really enjoyed at the University of Eastern Finland were those of Academic English, which are taught by native teachers. This spring I'm applying to this program, it sounds simply perfect for me. Wish me luck! I would also like to live in some English speaking country for a while :-)

Get the GAD 100% Under Control

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, my personal demon. It has been like 89% under control for the last year thanks to new medication. I have more good days than bad ones, but the bad days are still pretty bad. It's when I get those terrible headaches, I get dizzy, I get nauseous, I feel I can't breath, my vision gets blurry, my heart beats like crazy, I feel shaky, I get paranoid, I cannot sleep or eat, and all I'd like to do is curl into my bed and wait until the room stops spinning. I know GAD is something I will always have and I simply need to learn how to deal with it, learn how to stop it before it spins out of control. One day I'd like to be so well that I wouldn't even remember the damn thing.

Help People

...oh well, that was vague. Let me try and explain. Like Patrick Jane put it, it's nice to be nice. I love the feeling I get when I'm helping other people or making them feel better. It doesn't matter if it's helping an elderly lady across the street, doing volunteer work, or listening to my friends when they're going through hard times - I get my kicks by helping the others. I never hurt anyone's feelings if I can avoid it, and I'm always trying to understand others' point of view, no matter how bizarre it might seem to me. I love surprising my friends by letters and other little things that (hopefully) make them understand that I care, that I'll be there for them no matter what. That's who I am, and that's how I like it.

Learn Some Random Skills

I'm obsessed with some skills, and here's a list of things I'd like to try/learn. I don't necessarily need to master the skill, but I'd like to learn the basics. Glassblowing, archery, shooting a handgun, sailing, motorcycling, speaking some completely random language like Hebrew, bookbinding, developing photos... stuff like that.

Travel, Travel, Travel

I'm constantly consumed by wanderlust, and I'm at my happiest when I'm on the road. I don't know what else to say about this. Maybe one day I'm ready to settle down, but right now all I want to do is to see new places and meet new people. I think I need to write a Traveling Bucket List later, I have so many dream destinations.

See 30 Seconds to Mars in the US

Okay, 30 Seconds to Mars is my favorite band (and a great excuse to travel!) So far I've seen them in Glasgow, Manchester, London, Helsinki (x2), Stockholm, Barcelona, São Paulo, Tallinn, Riga and Vilnius, but my biggest dream is to see them in their own country. Following 30STM US tour would make a perfect addition to my US road trip, by the way! ;-)

See Rob Zombie

Rob Zombie is the coolest, your opinion is invalid. Eversince I heard Living Dead Girl for the first time (it was on Psycho soundtrack) I've been addicted to Rob Zombie's badass music. I also love his movies, and it would be awesome (and also pretty scary) to meet him too. It seems he pretty much never tours outside the US, so I think I need to go there to see a gig.

Work as a Funeral Director / Mortician

I've been working at the cemeteries for 5 years now, and I truly like the job. I have exactly the kind of sense of humour you need in this profession, and... I don't know how to explain it without sounding too creepy, but I simply enjoy the sense of closure you get in this job. Like I always tell people, being slightly obsessed with death doesn't make you suicidal, nor does it make you a potential serial killer. At the moment I work at the cemetery, which means mainly dealing with gardening and the part of the funerals that take place at the cemetery. I'd like to see the other side of this job too - the one that takes place before the bodies come to our refridgerator in their caskets. We're already joking with my boss Abby (who is also a good friend of mine) that if we don't get decent jobs soons, we'll start our own funeral home!

See Shakespeare's Hamlet in some Language I Don't Know

This is one of the most random things on my bucket list, but it's also one of the oldest. I got obsessed with Shakespeare and especially with Hamlet in highschool. I have read this play so many times I pretty much know every line by heart. I have seen it once in Finnish and once in English, but I'd like to see it in some language I don't know, and I don't know why! It is just an obsession, and the idea won't leave me alone until I do it.

Settle Down

Earlier I said I cannot settle down yet, but I hope someday I'm done with all the crazy adventures and travelling. Not anytime soon, but you know like after 40 years or so. Then I want to settle down in some quiet little village, live a quiet little life and have no regrets whatsoever. At the moment my thirst for new experiences is so huge I cannot even consider buying a house of my own, but still I hope one day I'll be ready. I don't want to drift around aimlessly my whole life, in the end I want find a HOME. A place where I will feel calm and happy even if I'm not constantly doing something. I think this will be the last thing on my bucket list, but I hope one day I will be able to cross over this one too.

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these are some things I'd like to do sooner or later. How about you, what would you like to do before it's too late? Maybe you should write your own bucket list if you haven't done it already. After writing your list, read it through and ask what the list tells you about yourself. You might be surprised how revealing these kind of deepest dreams can be ;-)

yours truly~

A Couple of New Leads in "2012" Case

I have been pretty confused about this new year, like "I have so much to do, where do I start" -confused, you know. I haven't slept well, I've been feeling low and also lost the little I had left of my appetite. I think it's all because I have been kind of stressed about 2012, about the idea that my gap year is over and now I'm supposed to start doing stuff again.

I was supposed to take the TOEFL test in Helsinki on 13th of this month, but when I started going through my notes this morning, I realized that I'm not ready. The language isn't the problem, it never was, but I'm still struggling with the answering techniques. So, I rescheduled the test, and now I will go and do it in March. I feel better already, I'm sure I did the right thing. After all, TOEFL costs 240$ and the last thing I want, is to feel I've wasted my money just because I didn't have time to prepare propelly.

Now I can take it a little easier in January, stay in Joensuu and take care of everything here. Ugh, I need to go to university and meet all my professors and explain why I'm going to quit after this semester. I will be SO relieved after I'm done with all those meetings! I know there's nothing they can say to make me stay longer than I absolutely have to, but still... well, I know it won't be nice to tell them that after my gap year I've come to conclusion that their university is not the right place for me and therefore I'll be gone as soon as possible, thank you very much and goodbye. HA, I already promised myself I will buy the complete Friends seasons 1-10 DVD box set after I'm done with all those terrible university meetings, that should motivate me enough! ;-)

So, staying in Joensuu in January. In February I want to go to Luumäki / South Karelia for a few days. I miss my family, especially Miia. We talk on the phone almost everyday, but of course it's not the same. I think I'm a little homesick for South Karelia, which is weird because I'm supposed to be home right now, in my own apartment in Joensuu. Complicated and pretty annoying, but if everything goes as planned, all this will be over in a few months and I can leave this damn town for good and move back to where I really belong. Ohh yes, and Abby might be coming to Joensuu in February, we have some plans for Valentine's Day (yay, watching NCIS all days long!)

Then it will be March, I'll go to Helsinki and do good in TOEFL. Maybe I could even organize a little trip after TOEFL, since I'll be in Helsinki already (all the cheap flights take off from Helsinki). I noticed Blue1 flies from Helsinki to Rome for 59€ which sounds oh too tempting. March would be a perfect time to take a little holiday - after TOEFL, but before moving and entrance exams which are in April, and before I can go back to work in May. We'll see, but like I said: tempting, ohh so tempting...

That's the plan for this spring, felt good to write it all down (in my opinion, everything always makes more sense if it is written down). We'll see how all these plans turn out, but right now I will simply concentrade on trying to sleep better, this lack of sleep is taking its toll. Argh my old friend Insomnia, I didn't really miss you at all.

In the end I want to show you something that totally made my day yesterday when I opened an email from Ria! It is the "Tim & Three Mice" photo from Lithuania, and for some reason I didn't have it until now. This was the first time I got myself photographed with 30STM touring basist Tim Kelleher, he is the sweetest guy<3 The other two mice are Elina and Ria :-)

photo taken by Johanna & sent to me by Ria

Sorry if I bored you with my plans, I guess this was one of those blog entries I just needed to write for myself to get it all down somewhere. Now I'm off the make a chicken salad and then it's time to watch the new NCIS episode (yay, I've missed DiNozzo)

yours truly*

Pointless LMAO post

(sorry for this completely pointless post but this whole thing made me laugh so much I had to share it with someone...)

Look what happened to my candle! ,_, LOL I didn't realize I left the candlestick too close to the radiator xD

 

Poor candle... but I think I'll leave it the way it is. Cheers me up everytime I see it xD